Tag: family

How one family managed a DIY natural burial

How one family managed a DIY natural burial

A family-run burial under a tight timeframe.

A family says advance organization and some luck was required for a family-managed burial of their mother within a tight timeframe at Makara natural cemetery. 

The mother died on a Thursday evening at Mary Potter Hospice, and the only burial slot available was on Saturday morning – giving 24 hours to organize the death certificate, book the plot and service location, and let everyone know.

The son, Tomlin, says that since you cannot book ahead for death, the key is to know the plan when it happens.

“Our family has experience in managing burials ourselves, so we were confident when Mum said she wanted the same, for a burial at Makara Cemetery.

“Though she lived in Coromandel we were fortunate that she could get to the hospice in Wellington when she fell very ill. We had time to plan, because we wouldn’t have time when she died.  

“We got a casket from Return to Sender before she died, because that’s something you can’t get in a day if you’re doing the funeral yourself.  

“When she died after two weeks at the hospice, we knew the round of calls we needed to make; to book the grave to be dug, the venue for the funeral service and wake, and who needed to be informed.”

Tomlin says a challenge arose immediately when they discovered the only available time for the burial was mid-morning Saturday. The Council digs the grave, supplies boards to stabilize the grave edge and ropes for lowering the casket, and tidies up after the family fills in the grave and leaves.

“We had to move even faster than planned. We were lucky that the Hospice staff were so knowledgeable and helpful. They took care of the death certificate and other paperwork. We had to reach out wider for a service venue, and Old Saint Pauls in Wellington city was very accommodating.”

Another challenge was the Kowhai sapling Mum had chosen to have buried at the head of the grave. One couldn’t be moved from the Wellington nursery to the cemetery that day. Fortunately the Council found one they could get to graveside in time.    

Tomlin says the experience showed that people should be prepared to think ahead and outside the box when under time pressure and managing the funeral service yourself.

“In hindsight we should have had the Kowhai ready and on hand, just as we had casket.”

Although an advance visit to the cemetery had been planned, the circumstances prevented it. But Tomlin and the mourners were impressed with the site.

“The one thing you can’t plan is the weather, but luck was with us. It was a good day, and the cemetery was beautiful – everything Mum and we hoped for. She was a keen gardener and helped set up a nature reserve in Island Bay. A grave amongst the bush regenerating at Makara made sense to her. And for us at graveside, the natural burial was a loving tribute to her.

How one family managed a DIY natural burial

Two sides to memorials

by Mark Blackham

At the Kew Cemetery in Melbourne, I went searching for my ancestors’ graves. I found the grand memorial to my great-great-grandfather, John Halfey — a goldminer, financier, and politician. His grave is the largest monument in the cemetery, an imposing stone column and angel. Also buried there are his wife Annie, and three of their nine children. One died aged ten drowning while swimming in the Yarra River. Sorrow does not respect wealth. 

A few rows away, I found the plot of my great uncle and his wife. There was no headstone, no inscription — just an empty space and a scraggy shrub.

I cannot deny disappointment at the empty space. I was denied a literal touchstone with my past. The Halfey memorial allowed me to physically feel the family’s life and prominence. 

The emotional contrast between the two graves confronted a central tenet of the natural burials concept; not to add anything synthetic to the landscape. Memorials should not be lasting artificial structures. The memorial to the deceased is the natural area that remains and lives.

Some people worry about the impermanence of wooden memorials. When we first posed the natural burial idea to the Ministry of Health over 20 years ago it was opposed, citing people complaining about not being able to find ancestors graves at old cemeteries due to broken and missing memorials. Minor annoyance to descendants is not a strong reason to deny an individual their wish for a green burial!

The reality is that after five years, the number of visitors to a grave falls below one per year. But during those early years, there are visitors, and they’re grieving. They want something to stand in for the physical person who recently left us.

That’s why we invented the idea of the wooden marker. It is there when needed and will have decomposed when it ceases being needed. We found though that untreated pine fell apart within 18 months. So we use H3 treated pine so it lasts the length of the surviving family members.

Standing in Kew cemetery I realised stone endures way past immediate family members, but (and so) its meaning fades. There is no point in all that stone being there every hour and day of the week, waiting for occasional visits like mine. The cemetery records listed my relatives deceased in the grass plot just that same as those in the memorialised plot.

A far better memorial is a living one. Natural cemeteries are living organisms, feeding and harbouring life continuously – unbroken – no matter who visits. And when visitors do arrive, they are greeted by trees, insects, and bird song. The shrub growing above the unmarked grave at Kew was supporting life, not dead memories. When you stand graveside at a natural cemetery, you stand among your ancestors, and the life they stimulated. There is no better memorial.

Two sides to memorials

A DIY family funeral

A wonderful family came together to handle the natural burial of a beloved parent themselves. Their work is a testament to their love, cooperation, resilience and calmness.

We always recommend our certified funeral directors, but this family showed you can do it yourselves. In this photo-story below, you’ll see how.

A DIY family funeral

New hope for natural burials in Bay of Plenty

Our newest certified funeral director, Hope Family Funerals, now makes natural burials and funerals possible for people living in the Bay of Plenty. We receive a constant stream of inquiries from the BOP for a cemetery to be created in Tauranga, but this has not moved the Council over the past decade or more. Now though, the efforts of Hope Funerals appear to be bearing fruit, as reported by the Bay of Plenty Times and on Sunlive.

According to the report Te Puna-based funeral home Hope Family Funerals said certification by Natural Burials NZ “reflected the team’s dedication to providing families with meaningful choices that aligned with their values and priorities. Natural burials differ from traditional practices by emphasising minimal environmental impact. The process doesn’t involve embalming, which is often used to preserve the body. Instead, the body will stay in its natural state to avoid introducing chemicals into the soil, which will allow the body to break down much faster. [Hope Funerals helped] Helen Kirkham and her siblings [organise] a natural burial for their mother Jen Kirkham in August 2024 at Hillcrest Cemetery in Whakatāne. Hillcrest is currently the only Bay of Plenty site that allows for natural burials.”

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